Sunday, May 13, 2007
You know that feeling..?
That strange old feeling..?
I asked my mom and dad to take us to bay walk.. since I feel so down whenever I'm at home.. I need to leave that house just for that day.. I feel so weak.. so sad.. so alone whenever I see that phone.. thinking about it makes me cry right now.. well we left home at exactly 12 midnight.. walked around.. bought some Zagu.. we didn't really stayed there that long.. like about an hour only.. that place is so.. so.. O.o.. you know.. so wrong.. I can't even seat on the bench.. it's so dirty and yeah.. so crowded.. it's a cursed place.. with stinkin' lovers.. I thought that leaving home and heading somewhere would make me forget.. but it only made me sadder.. ever got that feeling of missing someone? That.. when you see people doing stuffs that you likely do with one person.. it makes you feel so sad.. makes you wanna cry..
Gosh.. I cried badly when I got home.. I never cried that hard.. for a week or two.. it feels nice.. I know he has been busy.. that's why.. when he called me at about 11 am.. which is an hour ago.. it's really.. really hard to keep those tears in your eyes from falling.. I'm glad mama came.. I got a stinkin' chance to place the phone down and go home with her to get that usb.. I went back at Meg's place.. Shin opened the door for me.. and told me that Shams' at the phone again.. I never got the chance to talk to him for a couple of 10 or 20 minutes.. erm.. I think it was 5 though.. but anyway.. for the past 2 days.. erm.. was it one..? Erm.. something like that.. I only get to talk to him for like 1 minute.. and yeah.. wla ng kasunod un.. I know he's busy.. I'm not mad at him or something.. nor am I mad at anyone.. I know that it's his mom's orders.. I don't feel bad about it.. it's a family business erm.. affair.. erm.. something like that.. I have no right to interfere or to complain.. that's why.. I kinda got irritated with what he said on the phone.. and that endless sorry.. it made me feel like I'm the bad villain.. or some spoiled brat.. I understand naman e.. kaya nga I wasn't replying to your sorrys.. to your "kc nman".. I don't feel like arguing or more likely.. I don't feel like pushing what I really think.. erm.. or feel.. or something like that.. I'm in no mood to explain.. or to be.. that "it's okay I understand" person on the phone.. like it'll change your endless sorry..
*sigh* anyway.. the other thing that made me feel bad was that I didn't got the chance to say sorry as well.. I know.. it made you worry din.. since I'll probably get mad about it.. well.. no.. I didn't got mad.. I was just worried.. I just miss you.. and I was just wondering.. whether Shamir's okay.. if he's safe.. if everthing's alright.. where he is.. you know that stuffs.. those stuffs that makes you break down and cry.. but anyway.. yeah.. I'm sorry.. I wish to stay longer on that phone.. but controlling these emotions is one hard task.. even though I wanna call you right now.. I don't have the guts to do it.. I'm afraid.. and maybe I would cry.. which is one thing I don't wish to do.. since people would see me..
*sigh* So yeah.. I'm really sorry about earlier.. just.. please.. stay safe.. and don't worry about that thing.. that "if I'm mad or anything".. I just miss you.. that's all.. well yeah.. sorry about everything wrong I did or said..
RULES
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ORE WA ONNA JANAI
Watashi wa Althea desu. A normal otaku.
I'm happy to have friends which will last forever, and I'm hoping for a longer relationship with my Anata.
Hope this upcoming new life will be a lot more wonderful than my past few years. Hoorah for college!
Let's create more memories together. Zutto zutto.
P.S WATASHI WA ONNA DESU! ^^
I CRAVE FOR
i'll write it down in the death note;
Digital Camera
Death Note Live Action
Summer Tour 2007 Final Time: Kotoba no Chikara DVD
To set foot in Japan with my TOMODACHI
Death Note
Hapoo Memories
Finish College
NIPPON ARTIST
TOMODACHI
Anno Meg
Little Meggy
XD Ryan
Arekixu Leks
Jethro
Jenny-chan
Miggs
Jizelle
Queens
Suicidal Imo
Kimmeh
EXITS
KILL THE SILENCE
KINOU
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CREDITS
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